Why Low Self-Esteem ISN’T Permanent
I am writing this blog because I talk to a lot of people who have social anxiety. For me, social anxiety is primarily a diagnosis of self-esteem and a highly treatable disorder in this sense. Self esteem although it causes mental health symptoms, is often a disorder of thinking… in that it is controlled by the thoughts we have about ourselves.
If you have downloaded or read my free introduction to anxiety you will know that low self esteem is a build up of negative self experiences, negative experiences with others and beliefs about how we “should” be/look/behave etc. Some of us, like myself born with a facial deformity, have innate insecurities that over time can become even bigger when people make continued comments about this particular feature.
If you struggle with low self esteem a really great place to start can be to understand that thoughts you have about yourself are not always facts. Our minds are often flooded with opinions about things we like, do not like or find okay. If you start to understand how you value yourself….you will begin to see that it is subjective. You may value yourself really low on the subjective scale of value and worth, but others view you extremely high.
In fact, maybe you think of others in positive ways who have very low thoughts about themselves. This is often because their experience of the world has been one that has judged or demeaned them…over time this becomes their truth and builds up into low self esteem.
So where do we start on the road to changing this?
1) Start complimenting people … how often do we truly share our positive views of others with them? Do you more often share complaints or concerns than affirmations? In starting to share compliments and positive feedback you will begin to reframe negative thinking, you will help boost the confidence of others and ultimately you engage in a process of self esteem BUILDING in your community of friends, family, colleagues etc.
2) Notice what you like about yourself. Instead of being so hard on yourself start to notice some of the positives even close to as much as you notice the negatives. If you need more tips with this check out my video on self-care and self esteem tips.
3) Make yourself accountable for facts vs opinions. Start acknowledging when your thoughts contain objective facts or if they are actually just opinions you hold about yourself. Then notice if they are actually negative opinions! REMEMBER: WHEN YOU START BEING ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR THOUGHTS YOU GAIN CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS.
Thanks for reading and don’t forget
Love. Your. Life
Your friend and Therapist,